Its amazing to me that I have continually been so entranced and taken aback by my dreams since I was a child. I was telling Tanya this morning that I couldn't count on all my friends fingers and toes how many times I have had a premonition dream. Dreams that actually became reality. I've really never made a big deal out of it because it was something that was just mine. Didn't have to share with anyone. Also, didn't want to sound like a lunatic fretting over the sky falling or something. Its not that I dream about world issues or upcoming events though either... Its more about the little things. Small things that manage to creep into my every day life. I dream that I forget important things at home and therefore remember the items the next day when they are needed because I am fully aware of the annoyance or irritation that the dream allowed me to feel. I also have dreams that something is going to happen in my near future. Its not always so clear, but I fully anticipated the betrayal of a good friend based on a dream I had shortly before. In this dream, it was nothing like what actually happened, but I was in a room full of people and they were casting stones at me. The person that later betrayed me stood in front of me blocking the stones from everyone else while throwing her own at my chest. I turned and walked away leaving her and the crowd behind me. As I closed the door to that room, I woke up. Now most people would think that was just a random dream that meant nothing. Whereas I take it to a whole different level. I have been interpreting my own dreams since childhood. I used to keep dream journals, but it became too much work to write in detail what happened being that it was still so fresh in my mind that it felt like more of a movie than a dream. Pages upon pages depicting just one dream. This particular dream was easily interpreted simply because the feelings were so strong within the dream. The feeling that I had in that dream was unequivocally betrayal. Though she was blocking the pain and hurt from others, she was inflicting her own pain and hurt upon me. Walking away from that situation both in my dream and in reality was the easiest thing I've ever done. Strangely enough, even after so long, the friendship means nothing now reflecting on the stones that were cast by her for years. The point of bringing that up was just to show that I indeed have crazy and most of the time CORRECT interpretations of my dreams. That said, I have the need to express how my dreams have been making me feel as of lately. Its hard to describe and hard to even put into words simply because of the emotional crap that it drudges up. It creates a ball in the back of my throat, tears to well up in my eyes, a painful knot of nervousness in my stomach, and a pounding in my head. For the last month, I have been having these recurring dreams that the person I love is trying in every way possible to recreate every hurtful moment I ever caused him and turn it around on me. In some ways it feels like retaliation, in others it feels like just pure intentional hurt. There is a specific person involved in all of this that is what brings the pain to reality. Because in the dreams, the "the person that I love" is simply an illusion or shadow. Yet the person involved and causing the problems is clear as day. The dreams shift from simple manipulation of time and whereabouts, to all out secrecy and lies. Hidden communications and expressions of interest, all leading up to the most recent of dreams that include the crossing of the one boundary that I will not tolerate. Followed by the complete destruction of the life that I know now. The hardest part of these dreams is that they are so incredibly real. So familiar. That would be because this would be round 2 for me. This all HAS happened before and I have now realized that the person causing the drama in my dream world has the same potential of doing so in my reality. The same traits as the person from the past, the same actions, same personality, same everything. Gives me the same gut wrenching feeling. The difference is that I am no longer a "lovestruck naive teenager" protecting what I thought was mine. I am a grown ass woman with a family and what is MINE, I have EARNED. I am not ever going to let someone with clear potential to ruin my life get anywhere NEAR my life. I think that is why last night, the dreams faded and I can actually recall dreaming of something different. Which hasn't happened in the last 30 or so days. Ok... so the remedy is clear. Simply remove this person from my life. Which would be fine... Except she isn't someone that I can get rid of. Being that she isn't MY friend to start with. How do you tell someone to remove someone from their life because you have bad dreams? It isn't so easy. Plus, doing so would open the door to the manipulation of time and whereabouts. Why initiate the progression of dream to reality? What's up rock... meet hard place. Don't mind me, I'll just chill here right in the middle.
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