See... the thing about MN winters is....

I MOTHERFUCKING HATE THEM. I hate the cold, I hate the snow, I hate the idiot drivers, I hate that I can't wear dresses and skirts every day, I hate it all. Sure... It looks pretty sometimes. But then I remember that I have to drive in that shit.

The last month of "winter" has been just killer. I have loved every second. Skirts, dresses, hoodies, LOVE LOVE LOVE. Then Mother Nature slapped our shit silly and brought us back to reality. Single digit temps, wind chills, and snow. That BITCH. Here is where the problem lies. I GET BORED. I start to feel trapped and suffocated. Some call it seasonal depression, some say I need more vitamin D, some say I need to STFU because I was born and raised here and its always been this way. Well, whatever. You're all right to a certain extent. I know this. So I go tanning here and there, take vitamin D supplements, try to see past the slippery roads and cold temps. But in all reality... All I REALLY wanna do is go out, make really bad decisions, and pretend I'm a careless young adult. Which CLEARLY... I am not. Nor have I really ever legitimately had the opportunity to be. I did it anyway, yeah. But look where that got me. In a shit ton of trouble and had me defending myself to the people I love most. Hence the semi-sober stint. But again, where's the fun in that. I have yet to find the copacetic balance that keeps me happy inside... but I'm working on it. Starting with this Friday. Celebrate my bday like I never have. Been over 21 for several years now and have never gone OUT. Always end up at OC where I stay all night. Not this year bitches. I'm goin all in. I turn 27 on Wed. I am having a REALLY hard time with this. It's all in my head and I know that because my mom had one majorly rough birthday in her late twenties and its been in the back of my mind ever since. Thing is, I'm in the same place that she was. Latter part of my twenties, but already settled down, kids, responsibilities, etc. And have been since I was a teenager. Now don't get me wrong... I wouldn't trade my kids or my husband for ANYTHING. Period. But there still is that little piece of me that still hasn't grown up. I keep it in a little box deep inside my soul. Very rarely has it made an appearance and very few have seen it. In my mind... this little piece is the essence of my entire being. Its essentially the REAL ME. It's characteristics are what keep me "young" and vibrant. Happy and giggly. Silly and funny. But this piece can be destructive. Though it feels extremely liberating to let it out once in awhile, it has some consequences that I'm not prepared to face. So this time of year, when that little box starts rattling and shaking, I depend on certain things to keep me grounded. And by certain things, I mean certain people that have seen this piece and no how to handle it and let me just be stupid immature little me. The people that have had my back and supported me unbiasedly and unconditionally. That I have intentionally kept separate from my everyday life so that I can be that stupid girl and won't be judged or discriminated against. Where I am not Mom, Wife, Sister, Daughter, Co-worker, etc. I'm just Panda. Stupid silly whiny childish giggly dorky panda. To the fullest. Being around these people brings me back to reality peacefully. Not be means of bad decisions, or by reaching through the end of a bottle. Just by letting me be me.

The kicker this year though... my favorite of these people is off the RADAR. :/

So here I sit. Forcibly. Trying to keep my shit together. Fighting and struggling to keep the lock on that box. Wishing that I had a time machine to go back to when I was 14. Just for a little while, here and there, when I feel like being a kid again. Feel like doing stupid shit. Feel what its like to not have a care in the world again. But always able to come back to the family and friends that love me now.

Your art sucks bro

Ok... so the first of my many rants for today begins with the subject of respect. Respect the people you care about and more importantly, respect what the people you care about respects. Make sense? Example: I respect my sisters. I respect that my sister Kaeti listens to VERY different music than me. But because I respect HER, I also respect HER likes, HER tastes, etc. Now lets get to the root of this post. Obviously, loosely basing on respect, I have to explain where this is all going. It has recently been brought to my attention that some friends/family members of mine have been going to another tattoo shop to get work done. That's cool. That's fine... to each their own. I make it a point to never be the one that pushes a shop on someone. I never put down other people's shops. I never knock anyone else's work or design. Just because it doesn't appeal to ME, doesn't mean it isn't EXACTLY what they wanted out of a tattoo. Everyone's taste is different. I love MY shop because at Fluid, you are a part of a family. You are more than just a paying customer. You don't walk in there and pick something off of a wall to get tattooed on you. They are a completely custom shop. I love that. The guys are welcoming and friendly, they give you quality work. If someone asks me where I go, I tell them. If someone is looking for an artist or a shop, I refer them. If someone is into tattoos but isn't loyal to one artist or shop, I tell them to check out Fluid. Get it? Good. Ok... so where in the fuck does someone get off knocking MY shop. Telling people bullshit about MY shop. Apparently also going on tattoo sites and ripping on MY shop. Just because you got ONE tattoo there, that you later regret, and NOT because of the work involved or the outcome of the tattoo, but because the idea itself was stupid, immature, and impulsive. That is YOUR bad. Telling people that they shouldn't go there because YOU made a mistake is completely inappropriate. Clearly you don't know how the tattoo industry works because... that's right... You are FUCKING 18 years old. It is an art form. It is someone's livelihood. Unfortunately for you, the work that comes out of my shop is STELLAR. Award winning and amazing. The art speaks for itself. Maybe not your 18th birthday tattoo.... but who's fault is that. You are the one that has to ok the art before its tattooed on you. Just sayin. I don't have to worry about your negative remarks hindering the business that comes our way. Word travels. Both positive and negative, but good always prevails over bad. With this amount of talent and ability, I don't have to worry about that. Along those same lines, I would like to say that as an employee of a tattoo shop, I DO have a right to be critical of other people's work to a certain extent. I have seen many tattoos come in the shop with poor line work, imbalanced shading, inadequate color, etc. I have been around the industry long enough to know what is considered good tattoo work not just a good design and awesome artistic ability. Which brings us back to the respect factor... I may have a personal opinion about your shop because of a past experience with an artist that had nothing to do with tattooing.... but that doesn't give me the right to shit talk. So I don't. I have every right to have my own opinion about something. But that doesn't allow me to force my opinion on others. That is childish and irresponsible. Confused on how this all ties together? Let me break it down for you. Back to RESPECT. You are recruiting people that have been tattooed by my shop to go to yours based on lies and intimidation. That is disrespectful. You are completely gung-ho about getting clients for YOUR new shop which is awesome. Its good. Rep your shop. Rep your artist. As I do the same for mine. But don't knock someone else's art and someone else's choices and degrade them so that they follow you. You know what they call that nowadays? Bullying. You know what I call bullying? Bullshit. Grow the fuck up and have some fucking respect. You keep going to that shop which I will not name. You keep coating your body with tattoos to make you feel better about yourself. You just go ahead and keep putting other people down and see how far it gets you in life. Not far sweetheart. Not far. I can promise that. Oh, and not to call out your boys or anything... But there's a name for people like you at our shop... Shop whore. The ones that obsessively come in and think that they are part of the crew, have a major boner for one or more of the artists, and keep getting shit done just to be part of it all. Trust me, we have many many laughs when people like you come in, get ink or random shit pierced, and FINALLY LEAVE. Its hilarious. So you keep on going in there. Feeling like a rockstar, getting shit done, talking shit, and acting all superior.

But by the way... your art sucks bro.